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30th-Mar-2006 11:48 pm

Wow, I don't think I have cried outside of movies and music for years. This is all so strange...

Thanks everyone for the hugs and all that. You're the best :)

Like I wrote about just a couple of entries ago, my dad has been feeling very ill the last month. His back has been aching and he hasn't really been able to do anything. He has always had a lot of back and migraine problems, but this was the worst he had ever been. He had been doing some alternative healing stuff, so we thought that might be the reason he was in pain, cuz you know sometimes they have this thing where you're supposed to feel worse at first and then good later. Well today while on the subway home from work I saw that my mom had tried calling me, and that she had left me a text saying that he had gone to the hospital last night and that they had discovered something was really wrong with him. They didn't know what yet though. I called her from the train and while she was on the phone with me she got a call from the hospital telling her that he has cancer. That was pretty much all we knew when I wrote that previous entry.

Now they have run some more tests (MR, right?) and they know exactly what it is. He has prostate cancer and it has spread up into his back. I'm not really sure what that last thing means exactly, but I think it is in his spine. The bad news is that there is no curing it and he is going to die from it. The good news is that they are giving him about two more years to live, and that they can pretty much make him have a "healthy" life during that time. None of that chemo stuff that makes you sick. They are going to give him pills I think, that will "disconnect" his prostate, and that will keep it at bay for a while.

As for me, I'm doing pretty good considering the circumstances. I guess it's just hard to imagine what this will mean for the future. My dad won't be allowed to live anymore. My mom won't have her husband anymore. Seems so odd to me... I'm very close to my family, and it sucks not to be there right now. Thankfully I have Koff and Anders here at home to lean on. Anders lost his mother when a bus fell over her a couple of years ago, so he's going to be good to have around.

Ugh I really don't want to work tomorrow...but I don't want to stay at home either. Thank god it's such a busy job. I'd prefer to keep the sad thoughts here at home.

Thanks for caring guys :)
30th-Mar-2006 09:58 pm (UTC)
I'm so so so so sorry. And that's worthless, I know.

30th-Mar-2006 10:03 pm (UTC)
Oh no not at all. It's so good to know I have people who care.

30th-Mar-2006 10:09 pm (UTC)
*hugs you so much*

I cannot think of anything more frightening that losing a parent except perhaps losing a child. :( My heart goes out to you and your family so much right now. *hugs*

It is amazing, though, how long people can survive with cancer these days. Remember Katina? They gave her 6 months almost 4 years ago. Valorian was given a few years to live, and he's completely recovered. We'll all keep faith. *hugs*
30th-Mar-2006 10:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I really hope he gets to hang on for a while.

Valorian's hair never grew back though :'(
30th-Mar-2006 10:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs him*

I wish there was something I could do for you. Evil ocean.
31st-Mar-2006 07:26 am (UTC)
I know right? Dumb pond... *hugs*
30th-Mar-2006 10:22 pm (UTC)
*hugs so muchly* I don't know what to say other then that you're in my thoughts, and that I hope you and your family get to keep your dad for a long time yet.
31st-Mar-2006 07:26 am (UTC)
Thank you, I hope so too :)
30th-Mar-2006 10:34 pm (UTC)

I'm really really sorry to hear this.
30th-Mar-2006 10:34 pm (UTC)
i am so sorry, that is such a hard pill to swallow. my thoughts and prayers are w/ you and your family. *hugs*
31st-Mar-2006 07:26 am (UTC)
Thank you
30th-Mar-2006 10:51 pm (UTC)
Markus, there are truely no words for how deeply sorry I am about your dad. I know this is pretty meaningless coming from some guy over the internet, but know that my feelings are sincere, and that I will be praying for your dad and your family. And I'm here if you ever need to talk. Really.
*hug* Jim
31st-Mar-2006 07:27 am (UTC)
It's not meaningless at all. Really :) *hugs*
31st-Mar-2006 12:37 am (UTC)
I am very sorry.

My grandfather had prostrate cancer, and it spread to his bones. It was hard to watch him go, but I believe he was satisfied with his life.
31st-Mar-2006 07:28 am (UTC)
Thanks. Yeah it is mostly old men who get it. My dad isn't even 50...
31st-Mar-2006 01:03 am (UTC)
:( So sorry hon..you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

31st-Mar-2006 07:28 am (UTC)
Thanks *hug*
31st-Mar-2006 01:19 am (UTC)
Two years is just an estimation for all we know. I know plenty of people who have lived way past the numbers their doctors gave them. It is partly about keeping body and mind healthy.

31st-Mar-2006 07:31 am (UTC)
Yeah it's not a set time at all. But then again, he can go before the estimate as well... I can't really do anything but listen to what the doctors say and decide how to plan things from there. Anyone can die any day, so noone knows anyway.

31st-Mar-2006 03:15 am (UTC)
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I hope that the time you do have left together is more than you could hope for and that it is as beautiful as can be.

you are all in my thoughts
31st-Mar-2006 07:31 am (UTC)
Thanks, I really hope so as well.
31st-Mar-2006 06:11 am (UTC)
I'm thinking and praying for you and for your family...I can't even imagine what this must be like.

31st-Mar-2006 07:31 am (UTC)
Thanks Vivi *hugs*
31st-Mar-2006 09:48 am (UTC)

No words will do on how I can speak about this... so I don't know how to begin. Just know you'll always have friends by your side, and if anything I'm here to talk :)
1st-Apr-2006 05:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I appreciate it. *hugs*
31st-Mar-2006 10:52 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry! Glad you have friends to help you through the time.

1st-Apr-2006 05:20 pm (UTC)
So am I :)
31st-Mar-2006 11:47 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry!
My dad is in the hospital right now. He had a stroke. He's doing better. But he's an old man now. Although I am 46 years I never thaught of my dad gonna die somedays....
Hope your dad will be better soon.
Hugs Michel
1st-Apr-2006 05:21 pm (UTC)
My dad isn't even 50 yet...

I hope your dad comes out of it OK. *hugs*
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