I just looked in my livejournal info section and it says I am "Friend of" 349 other users. I know a lot of people have many more than that, but for me the idea that hundreds of people are reading this thing is just insane. So many... I remember being impressed when the number said 100. My friend likes to tease me and say i'm an "internet celebrity" and says i have a "fan club". It really gets to me too :P I don't want to be one of those people who everyone knows of, but don't really know. I don't want to be one of those people who others think they can talk shit about or drag down just because they're "so popular anyway". People have a tendency to badmouth people who are more "popular" than themselves so that they can somehow even out the scales, making themselves look better and the other part worse. I'm sure you all have friends who saw that guy from that band at that afterparty and "oh my god he was so gross and totally groping all the girls like he was the king of the world or something". Ya know? I don't want that.
While I was writing this here just now, I got a message on AIM from a guy that had added my journal to his friends list a while ago, and was a bit upset that I haven't added him back. Cuz that's common courtesy right? I'm really sorry about this, but I just can't. I'm sorry everyone who have added me without me adding you back, but my friends list is already flooded with entries. It's really hard to keep up with it all, and I'm getting worse and worse at it. To be honest, I rarely read the longest entries anymore :(. I have 141 people on that list right now, and if I was to add 200 more? Ay ay ay. It makes me feel really bad that I'm not able to return the attention everyone is giving me, but I just can't. Also to be honest, I am a real slacker with these things. I get these really nice and long emails and I go forever without replying to them. It's terrible, I know.
The whole thing is just really strange. 349 people...plus all the ones without journals. It started out two years ago with some of my friends from tarvalon.net, and now it's all over the place. Everything is so public, and I've caught myself rewriting sentances to be more politically correct. Not so long ago someone was upset I said 'retard', and I thought yeah I guess that's not the best way to show my respect to mentally handicapped people, but ughhh. Ya know? Ugh.
As always when I write "serious" and "long" it ends up all chaotic and random. Please forgive, and just be thankful for paragraphs :P
And please don't think I'm not eternally grateful for all the support. 349 + is just amazing, and you're one of the biggest resources in my life <3
I feel like a dork talking about my own "popularity", but it's on my mind and this is my journal. Don't think this is me being self absorbed. If you know me, then you know I'm not.